all in Anticipation

I think its only normal to start getting nervous just 2 weeks before the exams? As an overthinker, exponential emotions soon rolled through, into the doors of my mind. In a few hours, reality hit and due to too much math (probability=0.8), it all seemed like it was going to be disastrous.

I realised that when i was starting to get nervous, i was looking to what i thought would be the best plan. In other words, if that best plan could not be carried out, i would have to admit that i have not done my best and probably live in regret for a while. For me, what matters more is not the results, but to know that i have given my best in whatever circumstances i was in. There’s the catch; in my anticipation and anxiety, i lost sight of, imo, the key phrase: in whatever circumstances i was in. This meant that whatever happens happens, and whenever i have the chance to study, i would make the best of it. This implicates that studying was a choice. (For more explanation of choice, please refer to Economics – A Study Companion, Chapter 1… =P )

This choice was overriden by a rush of emotions and i wonder: what is more beneficial, being nervous and chionging, or exercising the thinking choice? Well…both achieve a similar effect in terms of academics; i still study, maybe even harder if i just let myself be ruled by anxiety… And therein lies the thin line between emotional turmoil and rest. For me, i think that there’s more value in knowing why youre doing what youre doing. When one makes that choice, one has reaffirmed that one is probably clear about one’s motivations. I guess it could just be a matter of having that feeling of security? Hmmm.

Sometimes i dunno if its good to think so much. If i didnt, i would probably have just burst from the anxiety. But of course, overthinking is a double-edged toothpick.

Cheers.