and so it begins,

the end of ib and the road to the next phase.

I’m not sure if im ready for it: not mentally, not emotionally, not yet. Currently, i guess we’re all still in the let’s-just-get-the-exams-out-of-the-way-so-we-can-really-worry-about-the-future mode. Or are some of us in the let’s-just-give-our-250%-cos-once-we-do-well-we-dont-have-to-worry-about-the-future mode? Mind’s in too much of a comatose to think clearly now.

In this time, we will win some, and lose some. What are you winning? Are you losing something that costs you more than what you think you are winning?

we’ve all got an ellen in each of us

No, it’s not being confused about your identity. it’s about judging. Since she’s the new american idol judge… i thought this would be a perfectly crystallised thought for this whole post. heh.

This idea of judging, i feel, has been and is bugging me much; ive gotta think this through…

Disclaimer: i am not ranting about anyone; just clearing my mind. (If im ranting about anyone then im judging them anyways…)

First and foremost, im sure that there were times when we judged people when we didnt mean to, but the mindset stuck anyway. Somehow things dont turn out the way you want them to due to these undercurrents. You try your best to rid yourself of it, but somehow people’s actions keep reminding you of that trait you initially saw in them. This trait would have made you think worse of them (well, that’s usually the case of critical judgements; we’re all too quick to categorise people).

Take for example, one person tells you that we must follow a certain way of doing things. But you think otherwise. And so, being helpless (or kind, as many of us like to think we are) as you are, you give in. Yet, in the deep recesses of your mind, you hold this situation in your thoughts – this person is bossy and is so narrow-minded. In turn, this situation holds your thoughts captive. On the surface, things are fine and dandy, but you have been primed to see that person from that perspective every time a similar situation surfaces. The effects are two-fold.

Danger #1: you have trapped yourself in a negative mindset that would harm your image of that person and could potentially harm not only that person, but also others around, who get implicated because of this. This may not be severe, well… cos it happens all the time. But, if we do let this become part and parcel of us, we will tend to become more critical in the way we view things and people next time. Would it be good if we were always negative, failing to see the good in others?

Danger #2: you have set yourself onto a route of ego boosting. When one puts someone down, one has a tendency to raise oneself up at the same time. Taking the previous example, when one thinks that a certain someone is bossy and narrow-minded, one has lifted oneself above that level. This partially insinuates that one has not stooped to that level and is certainly more open-minded and giving. I would like to challenge that thinking and attitude. We certainly can’t be open-minded and judge someone at the same time! Judging someone entails focusing your perspective of a person on a certain trait. Most of the time, when we judge, we tend to lost sight of other things that would counter our critical, possibly erroneous, perspective.

Of course, you can always say that, “well, what if we didnt judge that the person to be narrow-minded? then it won’t be as ironic as it is erroneous?” That brings me back to my main point: we have set ourselves on a route of ego boosting. Being narrow-minded is, i would say, one of the characteristics of one who judges (although narrow-minded is probably too harsh a word to use here). But beyond that, when we say someone is selfish, we’re saying that we’re more selfless that they are; when we say someone is lazy, we’re saying that we’re more conscientious; when we say someone is deluded and has gotten it all wrong, we’re saying that we’ve got the clear view and our stances are right. Having said all these… are we really? We do not have to say it out for others to hear per se; even if just goes on inside our head, these thoughts seek to exalt oneself above others.

And i think this has helped me to better understand why we should not judge others, or even judge ourselves. (For when we judge others, we are, more often than not, comparing them to ourselves and our standards of doing things.)

Am i thinking too much? You can judge me on that. =P

John 3:19-21

¹⁹This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. ²¹But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

Lost my bible. =((( Feeling a huge sense of loss (im not kidding).

…and your thoughts and fears will be confirmed

It was so fun today; was unusually and uncharacteristically high during the evening, as well as thereafter. On a side note, all the evenings in school in the past are dearly missed; never again? =( Anyways enough of reminiscing. Was just thinking about preconceived notions and self-fulfilling prophecies.

And the more i think about it, the more it became apparent and certain to me. The more i saw things around me from that perspective, the more they agreed with my thesis. My theories and ideas were definitely correct; the things around me confirmed it. Well… that’s basically how my belief in self-fulfilling prophecies was confirmed, via the exact mechanism it seeks to prove.

If you believed the above paragraph, youve just had a taste of flawed reasoning, which is exactly what i think self-fulfilling prophecies and preconceived notions are. To put things less cryptically, i have been observing myself and others and musing the complexities of relationships. And the more i saw it as complex, the more complex it became. Situations started to become more significant, each action, each inaction, each reaction. And all for -

- nought.

For example, if one thinks there’s a strain in the relationship (when in fact there is probably none), one will start becoming sensitive to things that did not initially exist. What is worse, one may become sensitive to things that neither existed nor intended by the other party. The status quo has been compromised and by fault that can only be labelled as our own. Furthermore, if one is sufficiently convinced by one’s experiences, one would only cause hurt to the relationship. This is not to say that the relationship was not strained in the first place. However, it is these instances that one’s thoughts and fears are confirmed; these deepen the faultlines and widen the gaps of the relationship. One way i think may help is to, firstly, stop yourself from thinking so much if you constantly find yourself in such situations. One single thought is on its way to cloning itself and infecting your mind. (exaggerated but, in my opinion, true to a very large extent.)

Another example is to consider is when one decides to label another person’s characteristics; sometimes we call that judging or evaluating someone. And this we constantly engage in whether we claim we do or not. Of course, it would be good not jump to conclusions. However, more often than not, if we take notice, we have some idea of how we perceive someone and all our reactions and attitudes to that someone will be distilled to fit that perspective. For instance, when we think someone is irksome and irritating, any small thing will trigger a reaction of agitation in oneself; when we think someone is dao, any glance in the opposite direction will trigger a thought that reinforces the initial notion of dao-ness. Im not saying that judging in a technical sense it is wrong, neither am i condoning it (much of it goes on beneath the surface, so it will be tough to catch them until they surface in the form of fully conceived ideas or attitudes that we may not take notice of). Nevertheless, i must point out that this seemingly normal way of learning about and interacting with others has many underlying dangers; when allowed to go unbridled, our relationships with others may go haywire and sometimes by a moment of poor judgement or lack of clear grasp of the situation.

On another note, one can claim that such is life and it is just normal that strains in relationships happen, that we judge people intentionally or unintentionally. I guess to a certain extent this is true, most of the time, what goes on in our minds formulates below the level of consciousness. But i guess it is equally lamentable that sometimes our relationships with other may just grow cold with no particular reason, but just by a general feel. Emotions are a great way of knowing here; so great that we sometimes dont even know that we know; we are heavily influenced/blinded (lol, indulge me a little).

I really hope you dont think as i tend to do; not healthy. May God grant you wisdom in handling your relations with others.

Deciphering me-self. Hmmm.

Why?…Why not?

Wondering why there are few people who see love as something with no strings attached. In treating others well, in giving of one’s best, in showing concern, in making the world around slightly better than one found it?

Many recent events brought me to question this. In lamenting this, im not saying that i embody one which is 100% unconditional; i try my best. However, too many things have occured that showed the worst in people, contrary to what i believed in people in general. And love is more than just tangible things like words and actions. Of course, these are means where love is made apparent.

Just reminded by the verse from 1 Corinthians 10:4-7 >>> ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Humans always need love. Reminded about the honours day video… lol… “Little bitta love”. However, will there be a day we can give without expecting anything in return?

Hmmm.

Frivolity

I dont mean to be. But some things just cant be put on public; i will get into serious trouble.

Sometimes i just dont understand why some things are. Choices? Implications? Repercussion? Hmmm… social conditioning?

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

havent had time to think inna while. where’s my daniel goleman…

Arithmetic!

by Brooke Fraser

I’ve been staring at the sky tonight
Marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I’ve been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You’re the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I’ve been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I’d apologise my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

[Chorus]
I won’t find what I am looking for
If I only “see” by keeping score
‘Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic

‘Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I’ve forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You’ll still be the one I want.

—————–

Awesome lyrics! Brooke Fraser is waaayyyy cool with varied musical styles, each as intriguing and refreshing. =)))

Also, listening to Wicked the Musical soundtrack… missing being part of a musical (though it wasnt really much last time). ><

<*the wizard will see you now!*> AWWWEEEESSSSOOOMMMEEEE stuff. =P

Cheers!

sigh – background noise and frozen institutions

Econs lessons are getting depressing by the day, where fault’s purely mine; a lesson about Nigeria totally tipped the scales of hope and despair. The fact that many institutions are led by self-interested individuals, even in those that seem to be the ones providing aid, just saddens me. Feeling the same things that inspired me writing a poem in an ex-post:

Afflicted One

Olive branch in peacetime,

but, oh, the thunder roars;

cries of instability that plague

the nation.

.

There must be some way

out of this.

.

The future seems so bleak;

recovery in two years, they say;

others claim five. Prosperity

was just a few years ago.

.

Saw a poster the other day:

donate to the needy Africans.

There were people nearby

trying to get people to give.

I just circumvented.

- – -

Shrivelled plant for mealtime,

but, oh, my stomach growls;

moans and unrest that torment

the household.

.

There must be some way

out of this.

.

The horizon looks so desolate.

We have not any rain for

months; years of harvest

were generations in the past.

.

Saw some people the other day,

they had clothes and food for

some of us,

but there were not enough

to go around.

- – - – - – -

Someone once mentioned that the areas afflicted by corruption and suffering are the “other uglier side of the world”, that these people are needy. Personally, i think we are that uglier side; there is no uglier side than that which is inhabited by people like us who live in comfort and thing everything is well; there is no uglier side than that which is inhabited by people who look at corruption and still focus on managing their own affairs first. How then can i make a tangible difference if i cant trust institutions as much as the Nigerians? I pray that this will not hinder me. =(

ioc post-mortem

The context of this passage is that the author has finished his ioc and that the surreal feeling hasnt passed. This makes him want to clear his thoughts and emotions and get on with life. This is very closely linked to the theme of the meaning of life. My analysis will on the motif of ioc that is prevalent throughout the school environment, and then to the theme of the meaning of life, and finally ending off with the dramatic significance of such an event.

Firstly, on the motif of ioc. This event is very widespread and has many implications on the characters in the play. This can be seen from how many characters mention, “my ioc is tomorrow!” and “sigh… ioc in a few days”. From the diction used, one can see that some characters have expressed melancholic resignation about their plight. For some others, who mention, “sorry, im very buzy; must study ioc”, one can see that they are very embroiled in their current situation and are unable to see beyond the next few weeks. This leads me to think about the theme of sight versus blindness. The characters are not blind per se, as it is vital that they put in their utmost into the preparation. However, one can see that the characters have put so much emphasis on this that it leads to the event having a reputation bigger than itself. One would see that, once one has encountered such an event, the ending is nothing short of anti-climatic. This can be explained when one considers the sayings of a wise person, “the people have made this event the centre of their lives that now that its over, they have nothing to fill the gap with.” And this is extremely true, as it is very evident that this event has taken very deep roots in the lives of many.

This brings me to talk about the theme of the meaning of life. This theme is one that is prevailing in the lives of almost everyone. Let us consider the statement made by the wise person again. When one has placed a temporal event at the centre of one’s life, once the event is over, there is a huge void in one’s life that it is rather difficult to fill. For example, going out, playing games, watching tv, reading, and the likes, seem very trivial as compared to the immense stress and expectation one has placed on oneself prior to the event. Evidently, in my humble opinion, this should not really be the case, although sadly, for the past 1 week, this motif was more or less the centre of the play. It is vital to the audience/characters that they can realise how much this motif influences them and how they respond to the playwright’s message. The playwright in terms of the school, in a very general sense, seeks to give the audience a learning opportunity to appreciate and understand the complexities of language, through the effective use of various literary devices. Similarly, for the playwright in terms of school, the playwright in terms of life also intends this event to be a learning opportunity to learn and experience; what is most important is to understand the playwright’s (of life) intention. If one focuses too much on the play and not on the playwright’s intention, one would only feel that the ending is anti-climatic and realise that “people don’t do such things”. However, if one realises that this is all part and parcel of the education experience, one would be able to take everything in one’s stride and move on to more important things: the main reason that we are living for, rather than the main reason we are studying.

This brings me to my final point about the dramatic significance of this event. This event is important and nonetheless significant to the plot of education. However, when one considers it in the plot of life (which encompasses the plot of education), one would see that seemingly insurmountable Event is not; this is just another phase to be taken in one’s stride.

Something there is that doesnt love a wall and wants it down. Certainly, we should all consider what walls we are unintentionally building and pinpoint what we are walling in or walling out.

All the best for those who have not taken their ioc; take it in your stride. Your life is much more valuable than to be wasted at the hands of ioc; look to greater things!

Cheers

Worship Medley

Contrapunctal ftw!